Welp, its 3:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake, no excitement from early in the day or nothing interesting on tv that’s keeping me up. Just me, the music playing from my Evo Shift and my sporatic yet persistent thoughts. I’ve never really gone into detail about why I can’t sleep but if you’ve noticed, most of my posts on the blog come at or around this time. I’m always thinking and my thought process is very, very hard to describe. It helps me work quickly (i.e tests, essays and such) but it also prevents me from having a normal sleeping pattern because I can never stop thinking. Often times I have been physically tired but can never get my thoughts to cease or at least slow down long enough for me to rest for a few hours. And even when they do allow me some down time it is short-lived, for I still have awoken earlier than expected only to experience intense fatigue. It seems as if I never slept in the first place.
And that is only the introduction to the complexity that is my mind, I haven’t even begun to explain the ridiculously intricate and mentally exhausting dreams I experience. There have been PLENTY of times where I have woken up in the morning sweating, in tears or out of breath from these dreams that demand so much of me and feel so real. In the past, these have been described as ‘Night Terrors’, far more terrifying, real and detailed than a normal Nightmare. I recall several times in my life (especially in the summer of 2009) where I stayed up several days in a row for fear of experiencing another night terror. Shits crazy man.
But not all of my dreams are night terrors and as a result, I have some really detailed dreams. Seeing people from my past or present in situations that my conscious being can only imagine. Just as the night terrors are so realistic that I find it hard to distinguish them from reality sometimes, these dreams are too. I have had dreams that my relationships had worked out differently, that I been spending times with deceased relatives or even that my life was better off than it currently is. I have also woken up shook from these too.
I mean, shit is weird son but what can I do about it? Just wanted to vent for a second. Life is crazy and all we can do most of the time is deal so along with my issues come wisdom that I take with me in life. I tend to think that makes things at least a little better. Welcome to the mind of a Mildly-Depressed Genius. Peace and Blessings.